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We Got a Red Sleigh Down! - SOUTH PARK

While bringing Christmas to Iraq, Santa Claus's sleigh is shot down. The boys realize that Jesus is the only person who can save Santa now. "Red Sleigh Down" S06 Subscribe to South Park:    / @southpark   #SouthPark #SouthParkS06 INT. NORTH POLE CONTROL CENTER - NIGHT The boys and Mr. Hankey are lead by one of the underpants gnomes into the North Pole Flight Control Center. The station is similar to the control center in 'Black Hawk Down', but has several Christmas decorations around it. GNOME 1 This is Santa's flight control center! From here, we can monitor Santa from satellite as he travels the globe delivering presents! KYLE Wow, cool! Two Gnomes wearing headsets are at the terminals up front, running the computers. Several black and white monitors show Santa's sleigh flying through the sky from various angles. Other gnomes are busy at other workstations and walking to and fro with clipboards and data. MR. HANKEY Hey! It looks like Santa has already made it to Baghdad! The black and white monitors show Santa flying over the crappy city of Baghdad from several angles. EXT. BAGHDAD - NIGHT Santa is flying above the crappy buildings as several Iraqis look up from the busy streets. SANTA HO HO HO!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! Wonderful, Christmassy music plays as Santa drops presents from his sleigh - Two presents fall in front of a door of a very poor Iraqi house. The door opens, and two little Iraqi children step out in their rags. Their faces are just like Rankin Bass characters as they pick the presents up and smile at each other in wonder. SANTA (CONT'D) HO HO HO!!! A MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!! A group of armed Iraqi men on the ground point at the sleigh and yell at each other in Iraqi. IRAQI DERKA DERKA DERKA! IRAQI MAN 2 HALA DERKA BERKA DERKA! Santa makes it to a town square looking thing and hovers in the sky above a huge mass of adults and children. SANTA Peace and Joy be upon you! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! A man with an RPG steps into the foreground, his back to us, and fires the RPG. The rocket streams away from him and towards the sleigh. BLAM!!! The missile hits the back of Santa's sleigh and explodes. SANTA I'm hit! I'm hit! INT. NORTH POLE CONTROL CENTER - NIGHT The boys and Mr. Hankey freak out as the gnomes quickly go about their military business. Red sirens flash. GNOME 1 Sleigh is hit! I REPEAT Sleigh is HIT! WHIP PAN OVER to another work station and another gnome, who spins around in his seat. GNOME 2 INSTRUMENT FAILURE AT 0600 FEET! EXT. IRAQ - NIGHT Beep beep beep beep - an alarm from somewhere in the sleigh keeps playing over and over as it spins out of control. Santa's sleigh has a black smoke trailing from the beck end as it spins round and round. The force throws Santa off the sleigh, but he grabs hold of the sleigh bottom and hangs on for life. The reindeer kick and kick, trying to regain power. SANTA The sleigh's going down!!! INT. NORTH POLE CONTROL CENTER - NIGHT GNOME 1 Sleigh is going down. I repeat, sleigh is going down. STAN HANG ON, SANTA!!!! EXT. BAGHDAD - NIGHT The sleigh spins faster and faster, Santa manages to pull himself back up on the sleigh but it is too late - The sleigh crashes to the ground at an incredible rate of speed and throws up a huge billow of smoke. In an over-head shot Santa's sleigh comes to a final halt as Iraqis scatter from it. This image then becomes a black and white video image which- INT. NORTH POLE CONTROL CENTER - NIGHT Becomes the image on the screen. Everyone just sits in the control booth, silent. GNOME 1 Red Sleigh One this is North Pole - copy? No answer. The boys look at each other, terrified. GNOME 1 Red Sleigh one this is North Pole... Mr. Kringle? No answer. The gnome slowly turns around in his seat and takes off his headset. GNOME 2 Jesus CHRIST THEY KILLED HIM! SAD MUSIC STARTS TO PLAY. CARTMAN No... Santa Claus can't be dead. He CAN'T. Mr. Hankey looks down at the floor. STAN Why would Iraqis do that... Why? MR. HANKEY It certainly doesn't seem very Christmassy of them. That's when the radio crackles and Santa's weak voice comes through. SANTA North Pole... This is Santa... Everyone leaps to the control panel. MR. HANKEY Santa?! Are you alright?! GNOME 1 What is your status? EXT. IRAQ - NIGHT Santa is sitting up, on the ground, leaning against the wreckage of his sleigh with debris and dead reindeer all around him. SANTA Sleigh is down. Reindeer... All dead. Both Santa's legs are broken... Santa's... very sad. INT. NORTH POLE CONTROL CENTER - NIGHT Everyone is listening to Santa's report. SANTA Santa will have to... Oh no... They're coming for me! Now they HEAR a huge crowd swarming on Santa. IRAQI CROWD (Yelling and screaming) SANTA STAY BACK YOU BASTARDS! STAY BA-- WHITE NOISE. STAN Oh no... CARTMAN Well what the hell are you gnomes sitting here for?! You Have to go and rescue him! GNOME 1 What the hell are WE supposed to do?! We're like NINE INCHES TALL!!