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The Miracle Of Birth - feat. Donna Lynne Champlin - 'Crazy Ex-Girlfriend'

GET THE SONG: https://lnk.to/cxg3 The Miracle Of Birth Starring Donna Lynne Champlin Written by Adam Schlesinger, Jack Dolgen, Rachel Bloom, Aline Brosh McKenna PAULA OF ALL THE MYSTERY AND WONDER AND BEAUTY ON THIS EARTH NOTHING CAN COMPARE TO THE MIRACLE OF BIRTH WELL, YOUR CERVIX HAS BEEN CLOSED AND PLUGGED WITH MUCUS BUT SOON, THAT VISCOUS PLUG WILL BE DISCHARGED It's called the bloody show. AND EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA MEANS THAT LABOR'S DRAWING NEARER AND THOSE SHARP PAINFUL CONTRACTIONS CAUSE YOUR CERVIX TO ENLARGE Beautiful! THEN, YOU'LL RACE YOUR ASS OVER TO THE HOSPITAL WHERE THEY'LL STRAP YOU IN FOR THE HELL RIDE OF YOUR LIFE It's what your body's made for. YOU'LL SOON BE IN SO MUCH PAIN THAT YOU'LL PROBABLY EXCLAIM, "PLEASE, JUST KILL ME NOW, DOCTOR, DOULA, OR MIDWIFE!" TEAR, TEAR, TEAR GOES YOUR VAGINA NEVER WILL IT BE ITS CUTE LITTLE SELF AGAIN BUT, THE GOOD NEWS IS, IF YOU HAVE A FEW MORE KIDS THE REST WILL BASICALLY PLOP RIGHT OUT AFTER HOURS AND HOURS OF UTTER TORTURE YOU MAY POOP YOURSELF AND/OR THROW UP AS YOU BEAR DOWN 'Cause you're a goddess! AND, THOUGH YOU'VE NEVER BEEN THIS TIRED WAIT! HERE COMES THE RING OF FIRE THAT'S YOUR VAGINA BURSTING INTO FLAMES AS THE HEAD STARTS TO CROWN BURN, BURN, BURN GOES YOUR VAGINA AND YOU'LL CURSE AND SCREAM UNTIL (GASP!) YOU HEAR A CRY It's your baby! AND, OOPS, THERE IT WENT-A THAT WAS THE PLACENTA, WHICH YOU MUST EXPEL OR YOU WILL SURELY DIE WHEN IT'S ALL OVER, THEY'LL PLACE THE BABY ON YOUR BREAST YOU MAY BE HAPPY FOR A MOMENT BUT THEN, FOR MONTHS, YOU'LL BE DEPRESSED 'CAUSE YOU'VE WRECKED YOUR LIFE AND BODY YOU'LL THINK WAS IT REALLY WORTH ALL THAT FOR THE MIRACLE OF BIRTH But, of course it was!