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What Seems to Be The Officer, Problem? - SOUTH PARK

While driving the boys home, Randy gets pulled over. He fails a sobriety test, let's his pants fall down and gets arrested. "Bloody Mary" S09 Subscribe to South Park:    / @southpark   Watch more South Park:    / southpark   About South Park: South Park is the Emmy and Peabody-award winning animated series co-created by Trey Parker and Matt Stone about four boys living in one screwed-up Colorado mountain town. Between local and global tragedies, as well as parental and celebrity interference, Kyle, Stan, Cartman, and Kenny manage to have themselves a time. Watch full episodes of South Park: https://cart.mn/episodes Shop official South Park merch: https://cart.mn/shop Follow South Park: Instagram:   / southpark   Twitter:   / southpark   Facebook:   / southpark   #SouthPark #SouthParkS09 INT. CAR - MOVING - NIGHT Dad is drinking from his bottle while driving the boys home. Stan is in the passenger seat, Cartman, Kyle and Ike are in the back, all still wearing their Karate outfits. STAN Dad, aren't you supposed to like, not drink and drive? STAN'S DAD I'm not drinking and driving, I'm driving WHILE I'm drinking! Right boys?! CARTMAN Sure, whatever dude. STAN'S DAD Oh I gotta pee. Hand me that empty bottle, Stan. STAN What? Just pull over. STAN'S DAD Stan you need to learn some things about being a man. Now give me that bottle. Stan reaches down and hands him the bottle. We don't see what Stan's dad is doing, but is obvious from how his hands move. STAN'S DAD There's a -- reason God made our penises like little hoses, boys. Hold the wheel Stan. Stan leans over and takes the wheel. STAN'S DAD When you kids start driving you're gonna need to learn to do this too. Whoop! Stan's dad bumps the wheel, Stan's hand slips and The car swerves. STAN Dad, we're gonna crash! STAN'S DAD SSSH!! I'm trying to concentrate! Just hold the damn wheel. Colored lights flash behind the car. Cartman and Kyle look out the back window. KYLE Dude, I think you're being followed. STAN'S DAD Oh yeah? Stan's dad flips him off through the window STAN'S DAD GET OFF MY ASS, DICKHOLE! CARTMAN No, Dude, it's the police. Now we hear the SINGLE SIREN go WRRRRRR. STAN'S DAD Oh crap! Stan's dad panics and pulls over the car. STAN'S DAD HERE! HOLD THIS! Stan takes the bottle of pee and looks grossed out. STAN AW IT'S ALL WARM! STAN'S DAD Everybody just stay calm. I can handle this no problem! Stan's dad takes out a piece of gum and chews it quickly. STAN'S DAD I know how to deal... TAP TAP TAP - a flashlight knocks against the glass. Dad hits the button and the window goes down. POLICE MAN License and registration, please. STAN'S DAD What seems to be the officer, problem? POLICE MAN Sir why don't you step out of the car for me. STAN'S DAD Okay. Stan's dad opens the door and gets out. EXT. ROAD - NIGHT The cop leads Randy over by his squad car. COP Sir, I'm going to give you a sobriety test. STAN'S DAD Okay, no problem. Easy. COP Stand over here please. Right there. Alright, Now I want you to hold your arms out at your sides. Stan's dad does - he immediately starts to stumble a little. STAN'S DAD There! I did it, see?! No problem! COP And now touch your finger to your nose. STAN'S DAD DO WHAT?! COP Touch your finger to your nose. Stan's dad stands there with outstretched hands looking confused. STAN'S DAD OH COME ON! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! COP Just bring one hand to your nose like this. The cop shows him. Stan's dad stands there, wavering a little... He thinks... He sticks his tongue out like he's concentrating. STAN'S DAD Okay... Okay.. hang on... He slowly starts to being one finger inward... slowly... stumbles... Then spins around, his hands outstretched, we can see his ass crack. STAN'S DAD Okay... Hold on... Hold on... hang on... ANGLE - INSIDE THE CAR - Stan is in the passenger seat holding his nose in one hand, while the other boys crawl all over each other to get a look. CARTMAN Dude, what the hell is he doing? KYLE I think his pants are falling down. CUT TO - the back door of the police car slams shut with Stan's dad in the seat, handcuffed. STAN'S DAD (through the glass) WHAT?! WHAT'D I DO?! WHAT'D I DO?! INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT WIDE shot of the police station - some guys working at their desks, a vagrant being brought in. Stan's dad is sitting down at a desk and blowing into a tube. STAN'S DAD (BLOWING SOUND) POLICE WORKER Keep blowing... Keep blowing... Keep Blowing... STAN'S DAD (BARFS) POLICE WORKER OH JESUS! Meanwhile, the boys are still in their karate outfits, sitting on a bench with a handcuffed prostitute on one side of them and a drug addict on the other. The prostitute lights a cigarette with her handcuffed hands. STAN This is SO embarrassing. CARTMAN You know, Stan. I'd say that your dad RACKS a disaprin