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If I Were a Rich Man (Donald Trump / Fiddler on the Roof song parody)

Donald Trump seemed to have a lot of trouble coming up with the bonds required to appeal his civil trials. What kind of things would he wish for if he was actually a rich man? See the entire Fiddler on the Roof / Donald Trump playlist:    • Fiddler on the Roof (Donald Trump par...   === Lyrics === Oh, dear Lord, you made many, many stupid people I realize, of course, it's no shame to be stupid And you know I love the poorly educated So, what would be so terrible if I took all their money? If I were a rich man MAGA daga diga duga diga daga diga dum All night long I’d set my mind adrift If I were a wealthy man I wouldn’t have to work hard MAGA daga diga duga diga daga diga dum If I sent an itty bitty grift Begging to my ultra-MAGA fans I’d build a big, tall tower with a giant penthouse At least 30,000 square feet And dress it up just like it was a French chateaux Then I would contact Forbes and tell them what I’m worth In disguise because you’ve got to be discrete They’ll know it’s true: John Barron said it’s so I’d hire all the best attorneys and spokesmen To see if they can keep me out of jail Or at the very least, get my trials delayed And though they all sound good when they’re talking on FoxNews In court they inevitably fail As if they know that they’re not getting paid If I were a rich man MAGA daga diga duga diga daga diga dum All night long I’d set my mind adrift If I were a wealthy man I wouldn’t have to work hard MAGA daga diga duga diga daga diga dum If I sent an itty bitty grift Begging to my ultra-MAGA fans I see my wife, Melania, looking like a trophy wife Though she’s nowhere to be found She waved goodbye as she bid me a fond farewell If I negotiate a much better prenup Maybe then she might just stick around As long as she could tolerate the smell The dictators across the world would come to fawn on me They would ask me to appease them, and offer flatteries “If you please, Sir” “Pardon me, Sir” 2 billion dollars to be paid out with no fees! MAGA di da da, MAGA da da, MAGA da da da… And it won’t make one bit of difference, if I shake their hands or I salute When you’re rich, they don’t care that you’re slow If I were rich, then I could buy an election, declare myself the President for life And maybe get myself out of the mess I’m in And I could have more sex with centerfolds and porn stars, and make Melania an ex-wife Then maybe take Ivanka for a spin If I were a rich man MAGA dahga deega duhgga deega dahga deega dum All night long, I’d sit around and bitch If I were a wealthy man I wouldn’t have to work hard MAGA dahga deega duhgga deega dahga deega dum Lord, who made the lion and the lamb Send me sheep instead so I can scam And fleece them out of every cent I can So I … can be a wealthy man! === Credits ===    • If I Were a Rich Man   "If I Were a Rich Man", Fiddler on the Roof London Cast Recording